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\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 A wi\'eac czy koniec? \emdash  Niezawodnie tak. To jest realny, stwierdzony fakt; a teraz czy \'84dzie\'b3o\'94? Tu rodzi si\'ea w autorze niejaka w\'b9tpliwo\'9c\'e6. Czy\'bf
 ten chaotyczny, dyletancki elaboracik mo\'bfe pretendowa\'e6 do nazwy \'84dzie\'b3a\'94? Na pewno nie. A jedyne uspra\-wiedliwienie mo\'bfna znale\'9f\'e6 w tym, \'bfe ni\'bfej podpisany, z ca\'b3\'b9 skromno\'9cci\'b9 i pe\'b3nym poczuciem ca\'b3kowiteg
o braku kwalifikacji literackich przyst\'eapuj\'b9c do swego pami\'eatnika, wyra\'9fnie i ca\'b3kiem niedwuznacznie za\-znaczy\'b3, \'bfe nie ro\'9cci sobie bynajmniej \'bfadnych praw do tworzenia \'84dzie\'b3a literackiego\'94, co zreszt\'b9 znalaz\'b3
o sw\'f3j wyraz chocia\'bfby w tytule brzmi\'b9cym: \'84Gaw\'eady starego komedianta\'94.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
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? To znaczy, czy ta robota ma jak\'b9kolwiek warto\'9c\'e6 i czy zas\'b3uguje na najbardziej bodaj pob\'b3a\'bfliw\'b9 pochwa\'b3\'ea? Tu nale\'bfy zaznaczy\'e6 dwa aspekty: czy \'84chwali\'94 dla mnie \emdash  autora i czy \'84chwali\'94 dla moich bli
\'9fnich? Je\-\'bfeli chodzi o mnie, to stanowczo \'84chwali\'94 i to nawet bardzo. Bo jak\'bfe mi\'b3o }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid6106232 jest w p\'f3\'9fnej staro\'9cci, o lilio}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 
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ycia, w ludzi i zdarzenia, na fil\-mowej ta\'9cmie, ca\'b3\'b9 kronik\'ea pe\'b3nego zawi\'b3ych zwrot\'f3w, zakr\'eat\'f3w, pochy\'b3o\'9cci i wzniesie\'f1 w\'b3asnego \'bfywota od}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid6106232  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 
\ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 pierwszych niemal dni beztroskiego dzieci\'f1stwa po\-przez wszystkie kolejne etapy dojrza\'b3ej m\'easko\'9cci, buj\-nej aktywno\'9cci, a\'bf po samotn\'b9, lubo \'84niespokojn\'b9 sta\-ro\'9c\'e6\'94. Jak
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tywa\-nie tego, co by\'b3o i co ju\'bf nigdy nie powr\'f3ci. Ws\'b3uchiwa\-nie si\'ea w t\'eatno w\'b3asnego pulsu, tym rado\'9cniejsze, \'bfe w historii moich dni w wi\'eakszo\'9cci wypadk\'f3w \'9cwieci\'b3o ra\-dosne s\'b3o\'f1ce i wia\'b3y pomy\'9c
lne wiatry, z rzadka tylko uderza\'b3y pioruny, wywo\'b3uj\'b9ce wielkie wstrz\'b9sy i po\-wa\'bfne cierpienia, i tylko czasem w pierwszym okresie m\'b3odzie\'f1czo\'9cci i na finiszu \'bfycia powiewa\'b3y pos\'ea
pne, stepowe wiatry melancholii i nieukojonej t\'easknoty. To dla mnie. A teraz co dla moich czytelnik\'f3w.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
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\'9c, ko\'f1\-cz\'b9c t\'ea bardzo zreszt\'b9 dla mnie mi\'b3\'b9 robot\'ea, ogarn\'b9\'e6 okiem jej ca\'b3o\'9c\'e6, to jednak dochodz\'ea do wniosku, \'bfe zar\'f3wno w historii mego bytowania na naszej plane\-
cie, jak w jej odbiciu na kartkach tego bezpretensjo\-nalnego pami\'eatniczka mo\'bfna by jednak odszuka\'e6 pew\-ne momenty, sytuacje i zdarzenia wyra\'9fnie zas\'b3uguj\'b9ce na uwag\'ea, a mo\'bfe nawet na g\'b3\'eabsze zastanowienie si\'ea i wyci\'b9
gni\'eacie pewnych konsekwencji, typu wyra\'9fnie pedagogicznego. Spr\'f3buj\'ea wybra\'e6 i uszeregowa\'e6 te zja\-wiska, kt\'f3re uwa\'bfam (przy ca\'b3ej skromno\'9cci spogl\'b9da\-nia na nie) za zgo\'b3a nieprzeci\'eatne i niecz\'easto w\'9cr\'f3
d moich bli\'9fnich spotykane.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
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\'b9 jest beznadziejna t\'easknota, jest ten sam fakt zamro\'bfenia budz\'b9cego si\'ea do \'bfycia wspania\'b3ego kwiatu, kt\'f3ry ju\'bf}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid6106232  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 
\f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 a priori zdecydowanie skazany by\'b3 na niemo\'bfno\'9c\'e6 prze\-kszta\'b3cenia si\'ea w pi\'eakny, dojrza\'b3y owoc. Beznadziej\-nym smutkiem, pe\'b3nym rezygnacji, zacz\'b9\'b3 si\'ea (chocia\'bf psotny los przyni\'f3
s\'b3 mi w nast\'eapstwie radosn\'b9 nie\-spodziank\'ea) i ko\'f1czy m\'f3j \'bfywot. Ten sam akcent, ta sama melodia towarzysz\'b9 i mojemu wej\'9cciu w \'bfycie, i zej\'9cciu ze \'9cwiata. Panuje idealna, niezm\'b9cona har\-monia pomi\'ea
dzy pierwszymi i ostatnimi dniami mojej egzystencji. A w tej jednobrzmi\'b9cej, powiedzia\'b3bym, jednokolorowej klamrze, spinaj\'b9cej d\'b3ugi ci\'b9g moich dni, mo\'bfna by r\'f3wnie\'bf znale\'9f\'e6 wiele niepowszednich, nie najpospolitszych prze\'bf
y\'e6.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi360\li0\ri0\sl276\slmult1\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8259498 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Za najwa\'bfniejsze spo\'9cr\'f3d nich musz\'ea uwa
\'bfa\'e6 dwie: powtarzaj\'b9c\'b9 si\'ea zar\'f3wno w moim \'bfyciu, jak w \'bfyciu mojego syna gwa\'b3town\'b9, radykaln\'b9 przemian\'ea naszych wn\'eatrz; u mnie \emdash  pod wp\'b3ywem moralnego ciosu, a u niego \emdash  pod dzia\'b3aniem pot\'ea\'bf
nego \'bfywio\'b3u morza, w kt\'f3rym potrafi\'b3, kierowany instynktem, odnale\'9f\'e6 pe\'b3ni\'ea siebie. I drug\'b9, tkwi\'b9c\'b9 w tym z\'b3owieszczym zbrataniu si\'ea mojego \'84ja\'94 z gro\'9fnym \'bfywio\'b3em ognia, kt\'f3ry przez d\'b3
ugie lata szed\'b3 za mn\'b9 w spos\'f3b wyra\'9f\-nie zastanawiaj\'b9cy.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi360\li0\ri0\sl276\slmult1\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid6106232 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Je\'bfeliby za\'9c chodzi\'b3o o tzw. \'84dzia\'b3
alno\'9c\'e6 artystycz\-n\'b9\'94, o rezultaty mojej pracy w teatrze, to i tu r\'f3wnie\'bf dwa okresy w sze\'9c\'e6dziesi\'eacioletniej w\'eadr\'f3wce po sce\-nach polskich mog\'ea uwa\'bfa\'e6 za najtypowsze i wzgl\'ead\-nie god
ne zastanowienia: pierwszy m\'f3j pobyt w \'a3odzi i usi\'b3owanie stworzenia teatru dla klasy robotniczej, i okres ostatni, obejmuj\'b9cy cztery i p\'f3\'b3 roku mojej cho\-roby, kt\'f3ra \emdash  przez wyrzucenie mnie niejako \'84poza burt\'ea\'94
 intensywnego \'bfycia w teatrze i napi\'eacie bez\-nadziejnej t\'easknoty za utraconymi dzie\'e6mi \emdash  pozwoli\'b3a mi do\'9c\'e6 sugestywnie odtworzy\'e6 dwie postacie scenicz\-ne, kt\'f3rych losy mocno zbli\'bfone by\'b3y do w\'b3
asnych moich prywatnych prze\'bfy\'e6: Jaskrowicza w \'84Grzechu\'94 \'aferomskiego i Dziadka w \'84Sprawiedliwych ludziach\'94}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid6106232\charrsid8725195  }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 
\f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Brandysa. Obydwu tych r\'f3l na pewno nie potrafi\'b3bym zagra\'e6 z takim przej\'eaciem, gdybym sam nie doznawa\'b3 bolesnego uczucia beznadziejnej t\'easknoty i osamotnie\-nia. S\'b3owem, obydwa te moje wzgl\'ea
dne sukcesy aktor\-skie sta\'b3y si\'ea produktem g\'b3\'eabokiego cierpienia i naj\-smutniejszych prze\'bfy\'e6 mego \'bfycia. W obydwu tych sprawach wyra\'9fn\'b9 pomoc okaza\'b3a mi wnikliwa i ca\'b3ko\-wicie wsp\'f3\'b3czesna metoda re\'bf
yserii Bohdana Korze\-niewskiego \emdash  w \'84Grzechu\'94 i Aleksandra Bardiniego w \'84Sprawiedliwych ludziach\'94. Obydwaj czuwali nad moim wci\'b9\'bf jeszcze galopuj\'b9cym temperamentem, kt\'f3\-ry tak cz\'easto w mojej karierze aktorskiej kaza\'b3
 mi \'84przegrywa\'e6\'94 rol\'ea i wpada\'e6 w niedopuszczalny dzi\'9c naturalizm. Obydwaj za ka\'bfdym razem w momencie takiego potkni\'eacia radykalnie wyci\'b9gali mnie (niekiedy nawet w spos\'f3b wyra\'9fnie dla mnie przykry) z fa\'b3szy\-wej \'9ccie
\'bfki, ukazuj\'b9c mi prawdziw\'b9 drog\'ea do tego, co nazywamy realizmem. Dla nich obydw\'f3ch \'bfywi\'ea g\'b3\'ea\-bok\'b9 wdzi\'eaczno\'9c\'e6, kt\'f3r\'b9 na tym miejscu pragn\'ea pod\-kre\'9cli\'e6. I jedynie niezapomniana praca z Edmundem Wierci
\'f1skim przy wystawianiu w \'a3odzi \'84Elektry\'94 }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\lang1036\langfe1036\langnp1036\langfenp1036\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Gi\-raudoux }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 i \'84
Fantazego\'94 w Warszawie da si\'ea por\'f3wna\'e6 z tymi osi\'b9gni\'eaciami, do jakich potrafili doprowadzi\'e6 mnie Korzeniewski i Bardini.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 I jeszcze z jednego mola, kt\'f3ry ustawicznie gryzie moje sumienie, musz\'ea, w my\'9cl obowi\'b9zuj\'b9cej mnie szczero\'9cci, zda\'e6 dok\'b3adn\'b9 spraw\'ea. Roz\'b3\'b9ka z moimi dzie
\'e6mi i ich nieobecno\'9c\'e6 w kraju, dzi\'9c zw\'b3aszcza tak bardzo potrzebuj\'b9cym gor\'b9cych serc, otwartych umy\-s\'b3\'f3w i ludzi nowoczesnych, post\'eapowych zapatrywa\'f1, sprawia mi podw\'f3jne cierpienie i przyznam si\'ea, \'bfe nie potrafi
\'b3bym powiedzie\'e6, kt\'f3re z nich wi\'eacej mnie kosz\-tuje: czy t\'easknota ojca za utraconymi ukochanymi dzie\'e6mi, czy wyrzut}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid6106232 y sumienia ojca obywatela, odpo}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 
\f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 wiedzialnego za wychowanie i wskazanie roli, jak\'b9 m\'b3o\-de pokolenie winno odegra\'e6 w s\'b3u\'bfbie spo\'b3ecze\'f1stwa w\'b3asnego narodu.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 

\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi360\li0\ri0\sl276\slmult1\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8259498 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 S\'b9dz\'ea, \'bfe bez przesady wolno mi powiedzie
\'e6 o sobie, i\'bf najwi\'eaksz\'b9 pasj\'b9 mojego \'bfycia (cho\'e6 nie jedyn\'b9, nie wy\'b3\'b9czn\'b9 i nie zacie\'9cniaj\'b9c\'b9 horyzontu patrzenia i czu\-cia do jej granic) by\'b3a pasja teatru. I dlatego w\'b3a\'9cnie chcia\'b3bym zako\'f1czy
\'e6 moje sprawozdanie nie jakim\'9c patetycznym, g\'f3rnolotnym, dydaktycznym testamen\-tem dla moich nast\'eapc\'f3w w zawodzie aktorskim, ale bardzo skromnym i bezpo\'9crednim stwierdzeniem tego, co dzi\'9c, zamykaj\'b9c ksi\'b9\'bfk\'ea mego \'bf
ycia, czuj\'ea w sto\-sunku do teatru, co mnie w jego przeobra\'bfeniach i przemianach specjalnie raduje, z czego jestem dumny, a co znowu rzuca na mnie przy odej\'9cciu cie\'f1 lekkiego smutku.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 
\f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Dumny jestem przede wszystkim, \'bfe obecnie teatr sta\'b3 si\'ea bodaj\'bfe naczelnym nauczycielem najszerszych mas spo\'b3ecze\'f1stwa, sta\'b3 si\'ea jednym z narz\'ea
dzi, jakimi partia i rz\'b9d pos\'b3uguje si\'ea przy wielkim dziele prze\-budowania cz\'b3owieka, usi\'b3uj\'b9c stworzy\'e6 typ u\'9cwiado\-mionego, wsp\'f3\'b3odpowiedzialnego za losy swojego pa\'f1\-stwa obywatela. Dumny jestem, \'bfe m\'f3j \'84fach
\'94, tak bardzo lekcewa\'bfony i poniewierany przez wiele stuleci, doczeka\'b3 si\'ea pe\'b3nej rehabilitacji i \'bfe dane mi jest ko\'f1\-czy\'e6 moj\'b9 w\'eadr\'f3wk\'ea bez rumie\'f1ca wstydu i goryczy pogardzanego histriona, ale w pe\'b3nej godno
\'9cci praw\-dziwego artysty obywatela. Raduje mnie niesko\'f1czenie \'9cwiadomo\'9c\'e6, \'bfe sztuka teatru potrafi\'b3a poczyni\'e6 tak wielkie post\'eapy zar\'f3wno organizacyjne, jak i artystycz\-ne, \'bfe wyra\'9fnie wznosi si\'ea coraz wy\'bfej i 
\'bfe ma przed sob\'b9 wspania\'b3\'b9, tw\'f3rcz\'b9 drog\'ea do najwy\'bfszych szczy\-t\'f3w idea\'b3u. Niepokoi mnie za\'9c z lekka to dyskretne jak gdyby uciekanie od uczucia, od wzrusze\'f1, jakie daje si\'ea zauwa\'bfy\'e6 w ostatnich czasach zar
\'f3wno w tw\'f3r\-czo\'9cci naszych wsp\'f3\'b3czesnych dramaturg\'f3w, re\'bfyser\'f3w, jak i tw\'f3rczych aktor\'f3w najm\'b3odszego pokolenia.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Bo pewny jestem, \'bfe naczelnym zadaniem teatru by\-\'b3o, jest i wiecznie b\'eadzie \emdash  niezale\'bfnie od biegu hi\-storii, od przemian socjalnych i panuj\'b9
cego w danej chwili ustroju pa\'f1stwowego \emdash  przede wszyst\-kim wzrusza\'e6 i przez wzruszenie uczy\'e6. Bo \'bfeby nauczy\'e6, trzeba koniecznie kocha\'e6 zar\'f3wno przed\-miot nauczania, jak i samego ucznia. Przez wiele lat usi\'b3uj\'b9c nauczy
\'e6 m\'b3odzie\'bf opanowania naszej skom\-plikowanej sztuki aktorskiej, zawsze i wsz\'eadzie stara\-\'b3em si\'ea uczy\'e6 ich przede wszystkim \emdash  kocha\'e6. Kocha\'e6 wielk\'b9 ide\'ea, kocha\'e6 cz\'b3owieka, kocha\'e6 przyrod\'ea, wsp\'f3\'b3\-
czu\'e6 ludzkiemu cierpieniu. Broni\'e6 cz\'b3owieka od krzyw\-dy i umie\'e6 uszanowa\'e6 bezwzgl\'eadn\'b9 wolno\'9c\'e6 jego su\-mienia. T\'ea nauk\'ea stara\'b3em si\'ea zadokumentowa\'e6 w\'b3as\-nym przyk\'b3adem. A je\'bfeli nie zawsze mi si\'ea
 to uda\-wa\'b3o, to}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid6106232  musicie mi wybaczy\'e6, gdy\'bf jeste}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 m cz\'b3owie\-}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid6106232 kiem, tylko s\'b3
abym, u\'b3omnym cz\'b3o}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 wiekiem!}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 Kochajcie teatr i s\'b3u\'bfcie mu wiernie, a b\'eadziecie szcz\'ea\'9cliwi.}{\rtlch\fcs1 \af0 \ltrch\fcs0 \f0\cf0\insrsid8259498\charrsid8725195 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch\fcs1 \af2 \ltrch\fcs0 \insrsid7556278 
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